What Was My Experience with Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia?

It started with panic disorder. One panic attack turned into two which turned into three and so on. Panic attacks were terrifying. During a panic attack it felt like the world was crashing down around me. I would struggle to think coherently, to speak, or do anything but cry. My chest would feel too tight and my entire body would tense up. Any light would feel too bright and being out in the open felt so unsafe. Usually these would happen before school, so I would lay in bed with the lights off, crying, and hiding under the covers. My mom or dad would usually stay home with me on those days. Those were some of the worst days.

I started to be afraid of having panic attacks and did anything I could think of to avoid having one. I was terrified I would have one at school or in front of my friends or other family members. Slowly, I began to avoid leaving the house as much as I could. I stopped going to the movies with my friends, stopped going to football games, and sleepovers. There were only certain people I felt safe around and those were the only people I was able to do anything with. However, even when I did things with them I was irritable and on edge because I was still so scared.

It was like I was in a constant state of fear unless I was at home and even then I was experiencing anxiety, because I would think about all the places I had to go or people I had to see. It was emotionally and physically exhausting. Overcoming panic disorder and agoraphobia was a long journey, especially since I was dealing with these things at the same time I was dealing with major depression and anxiety. For almost two years I saw a therapist twice a week and attended group therapy once a week. I was also prescribed anti-anxiety medication by a psychiatrist.

I’m so thankful that I was able to overcome these things. I would have never been able to do it without the constant love and support from my family and friends at the time. I know that the Lord was working through them to keep me alive.

“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve.” Stand By Me by Stephen King